Ouran Drabbles
by peroxidepest17
Summary: My small Ouran drabble collection: het, gen, yaoi, various pairings, characters. etc. See each individual piece for specific listings.
1. Points Awarded

**1.**

**Title:** Points Awarded  
**Rating:** G  
**Pairing/Character/s: **Mori  
**Word Count:** 392  
**Warning/s: **SUCKAGE. (Mostly in the realm of OOC and out-of-my-ass assumptions about everything, as I've only seen the first 13 eps of the anime. )  
**Summary:** Mori is observant.  
**Dedication:** uhm… Jen! Because she likes Ouran too I guess. Though I don't know who her favorite is. Probably Haruhi. XD;; Also, JAB because you made me watch it, I guess. You bastard.  
**A/N: **First Ouran fic, possibly last- just sussing out some charries and trying to expand my horizons beyond you know, Bleach, Bleach, Bleach. I probably fail. Mori is obviously my favorite character. Considering he's as thug as Ouran gets. XD

* * *

As a swordsman, Morinozuka Takashi has been trained from a very early age to quickly zero in on and mentally cache the strengths and weaknesses of all the people he comes across. 

The fastest way to score the hit and win the match is to know your opponent (or potential opponent) inside and out, after all.

As a person however, Mori is mostly inclined to simply note these weaknesses—a natural, if not always desired by-product of years of rigorous kendo lessons-- but never really exploit them, because he doesn't foresee having to cross swords with most of the acquaintances he makes anytime in the future given his naturally pacifistic disposition as well as most sane people's instinctive aversion to picking a fight with someone his size.

As such he just watches and makes vague, unprompted mental notes about the weaknesses he sees in the people he meets and doesn't act on them in his own self-interest because he doesn't have to and probably never will (he hopes).

For his whole life he's watched Honey's capricious temperament and short attention span—they're like flashing signboards to him now—and upon meeting the twins, had instantly noted Hikaru's barely-there over-protectiveness and Kaoru's responding moments of here-and-gone-again resentment.

Watching in silence, he knows precisely where and how to strike should the need arise, a hit, a hit, a hit.

The match.

He watches Kyouya stalk silently behind Tamaki with a deceptive sort of overt-calm, observes the special way Tamaki's muscles tense when Haruhi is unhappy, and most of all, notes that Haruhi's jaw twitches whenever they mention—but fail to offer her-- Ootoro sashimi.

Upon reflection of the hierarchy of such things (Tamaki as Kyouya's weakness, Haruhi as Tamaki's, and ultimately, Ootoro as Haruhi's), Morinozuka Takashi has discovered that raw, fatty tuna is quite possibly, Ouran Host Club's definitive Achilles' heel.

He supposes there's more dignity in that than Bintoro, at least.

And in a way, it's reassuring too.

Because if it came right down to it, and one day he finds himself having to exploit the weaknesses of these people for whatever reason, he's comforted by the knowledge that it would be plainly impossible for him to do as such even if he wanted to as he has absolutely no idea how he would even begin to use fatty tuna in a fight.

**END**


	2. Target Demographic

**2.**

**Title:** Target Demographic  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairing/Character/s: **Vaguely KyouyaxTamaki  
**Word Count:** 925  
**Warning/s: **Probably OOC to the max.  
**Summary:** The new Ouran High School Host Club expands its repertoire.  
**Dedication:** GOD is there anyone out there who likes KyouyaxTamaki too? rolls Guess I'll dedicate to Jab and Jen again since they at least like the series.  
**A/N: **I suck at Ouran fic. I've decided. But I'm pushing on anyway for some odd reason. I'm probably out of ideas as it stands though, so at least there's that to comfort me. XD

* * *

It started when a group of suave seniors invaded the third music room with the intent of scoping out the new club there that was beginning to gain popularity amongst the female students of Ouran. Their leader breezed through the doors smiling winningly and looked around for a moment before settling his gaze (naturally) on Tamaki and asking (in an oily sort of way), why, oh why, such good-looking young men only seemed to want to cater to female dreams. 

"For shame! Don't you know we men have dreams too?" he'd asked, and eyed the blond second-year in a way that wasn't dream so much as fantasy.

Tamaki had paused.

Thought about it for a second.

And then exclaimed, "Senpai is absolutely RIGHT!"

Kyouya had intervened then, and adjusted his glasses just so, so they caught the glare of the sunlight and the three upperclassmen couldn't see his eyes anymore. He was scarier that way.

"I'm sorry, senpai, but this club's general policy is to specialize in female guests," he'd said plainly, and watched as Mori and Honey escorted their classmates out of the room with great friendliness.

Afterwards, Tamaki had been crestfallen. "Ne, Kyouya," he'd asked, and wibbled with his eyes, "is it unfair to start a club that ignores the dreams of men?"

Kyouya had figured that Tamaki would feel guilty about something like this. "It's fair when their dreams are clearly aimed unfavorably at you, my lord."

Tamaki didn't seem to get the implications of that statement. "What if they're lonely?"

"You're a kind-hearted idiot," the dark-haired boy had responded, "and would be the ultimate defenseless prey to the whims of such predators if ever left alone with them."

Tamaki pouted. "I would not! I'm a man too, aren't I?"

Kyouya sighed. Adjusted his glasses. Looked Tamaki straight in the eye. "Tamaki…" he began slowly, voice low in his throat.

Tamaki looked right back with those stubborn, "I'm-four-years-old-and-know-exactly-how-the-world-works-you-big-meanie" eyes of his.

Kyouya took a step forward.

Tamaki didn't move backwards. Much.

Kyouya took another step.

Tamaki inched back. In a manly way.

And then Kyouya removed his glasses, still looking into those confused purple eyes, before very deliberately leaning forward. Held that pose for a moment.

Tamaki was transfixed.

And then Kyouya let his eyes slip ever-so-slightly to the right, over the blond's shoulder towards the couch they'd had delivered just a few days ago. "Are those new cushions?"

Tamaki lit up, instantly distracted. "Yes! From France and…"

Kyouya kissed him.

Pulled back right away so that it was only a brush of lips on lips really, and stood up straight so that everyone (they were the only two still in the room) could see that he was completely unaffected after proving his point. He put his glasses back on.

Tamaki blinked back at him comically. Touched his mouth with his fingertips. "Kyouya…"

"See?" the dark-haired boy asked clinically, adjusting his clipboard under his arm and fiddling with the knot of his tie. "Completely defenseless."

Tamaki looked back at him and his eyes were huge. "Really?"

"Really," Kyouya echoed, and turned around to leave. "The matter is settled."

The next day, when Kyouya arrived to the third music room, a big sign in Tamaki's handwriting reading, "Ouran High School Host Club—Now Accepting Male Guests!" hung above the door.

"Kyouya!" Tamaki greeted him, excited like this was all very normal.

Kyouya adjusted his glasses. "Yes?"

"I had a wonderful idea last night!"

He sighed. "So it seems."

"It would be wrong for us to ignore the hopes and dreams of an entire half of the population!" the blond exclaimed, and hugged Kyouya tight around his waist, looking so excited that the dark-haired boy couldn't find it in him to really be very annoyed.

Even if Tamaki had ignored everything that was said to him the afternoon before.

"So what do you propose we do?" the bespectacled boy asked patiently, as the others looked silently on.

"I'm so glad you asked!" Tamaki declared, pulling back so he could put one hand on his hip in an appropriately dramatic fashion, the other arm extended in a perfect line and pointing directly at Kyouya. "_You'll_ teach us how to charm male guests! Defensively!"

Kyouya blinked.

He honestly hadn't been expecting _that_. "Excuse me?"

Tamaki glowed. "You'll teach us!" he repeated, like Kyouya simply hadn't heard him the first time.

"And this idea came about…how, exactly?"

Tamaki clapped his hands together and beamed. "You're very good at kissing boys! Naturally you'd be just as good at charming them, ne?"

Kyouya sighed again, and noted the ecstatic flush on the blond's face while ignoring the unholy glimmer that adorned each of the twins' as they waited for him to counterattack with some kind of cold denunciation to Tamaki's grand plan.

Instead, Kyouya simply sighed and said, "As you wish."

Tamaki sparkled and everyone else blinked. Kyouya smiled secretly to himself and went about preparing the accounts for the day.

He supposed the added income wasn't something he could really complain about, after all. And he supposed that Tamaki would—without a doubt—believe him when he told the blond that the proper way for one man to charm another (of comparable size and weight of course- he's no bully) was to punch him in the face in a very manly and emphatic fashion.

Sometime later, when Haruhi dropped by and a very happy mishap occurred under the guise of homosexual love, Kyouya realized he really couldn't be anything but vaguely amazed at Tamaki's rather amazingly blind foresight.

**END**


	3. Go, Go Ouran Host Club!

**3.**

**Title:** Go, Go Ouran Host Club!  
**Rating:** G  
**Pairing/Character/s: **Kyouya, Tamaki  
**Word Count:** 401  
**Warning/s: **Stupidity. Rampant, rampant stupidity.  
**Summary:** Tamaki wants to be purple.  
**Dedication:** JaB- who drew me some pretty interesting KyouyaxTamaki art today. XD It made a bad week just that much better.  
**A/N: **Honesty, I don't know what I'm doing. Just piddling around 'cuz I can't seem to write Bleach today, I suppose.

* * *

"Okaasan!"

"Yes, otousan?"

Tamaki mibbled. "Why isn't there a purple?"

Kyouya sighed. "It's well known that in canon there is no purple."

"Maa, but I think I'd look good in purple!"

"Well it's too late to order a purple, but if you ask Haruhi maybe she'll trade you for the pink. That's close."

Tamaki pouted. "That's not close! Pink and purple are worlds apart! Besides," he started, and touched the tips of his index fingers together, "the pink one has a skirt."

He closed his eyes dreamily and spun in a circle at that thought, momentarily distracted. "Ah…Haruhi! So cute!"

"Well then, maybe ask Hikaru for the blue one," Kyouya continued, patiently. He didn't bring up the fact that if Tamaki had wanted purple he could have planned ahead and asked for it specifically ahead of time, instead of simply slapping down the photograph on Kyouya's desk one morning and with something like childlike glee, ordering the vice-president to "Please have this in for us next week!" before running off with a vintage robot model—very hard to find these days-- in his hand and marveling aloud at the richness young commoners' lives were filled with.

Tamaki scowled. "Blue isn't even close either," he declared, and looked down at the subtly shimmering gold trim of his own outfit.

"Gold is nice," Kyouya reminded him, and jotted a few notes down in his documents before snapping his portfolio shut and setting it aside. "Now, we'd best get these costumes on and be ready to greet the guests, ne Otousan?"

Tamaki sighed and flipped his hair backwards—glamorously out of his eyes. "Yes, yes, I suppose so."

And then he put on his helmet.

Kyouya adjusted his glasses and put on his own helmet—green, mind— just as the doors of the third music room began to open and their first guest for the day entered. They all took their positions.

Right on cue, a romanticized orchestral version—arranged with great care by Tamaki himself-- of "Go, Go Power Rangers" started playing through the speakers of the third music room, and as he struck his pose alongside the others and listened to the nostalgic (action filled) melody, Kyouya made a mental note to himself to have a little talk with Haruhi later, about the things she let Otousan watch when he went over to visit and she didn't feel like entertaining him herself.

**END**


	4. Labor vs Costs

**4.**

**Title:** Labor Versus Costs  
**Rating:** G  
**Pairing/Character/s: **Twins, Haruhi, Tamaki  
**Word Count:** 417  
**Warning/s: **OOC. And stupidity.  
**Summary:** Hikaru and Kaoru explain to Haruhi why it's inefficient to bake a cake. With no ulterior motives, of course.  
**Dedication:** Kia- hope you like this, I'm still trying to figure out writing the twins myself. rolls   
**A/N: **The request was: _"Twins, Haruhi- Baking" _while the result is… well, this I guess.

* * *

They raised their hands simultaneously and (simultaneously) said, "We don't get it!"

Haruhi sighed. "It's a recipe."

"We get that," Hikaru started, using his brother's shoulder to rest his elbow on.

"But why would you _make_ cake?" Kaoru finished, and bumped his hip absently against Hikaru's.

"You know… not everyone can afford to go to a fancy bakery and spend five dollars on one small slice of cake," she told them patiently.

"But it's easier to just buy it, either way, isn't it?" they asked.

"Labor versus cost…"

"Two hours to make versus ten minutes to buy…"

"Even if you make minimum wage…"

"… you can make more working for that two hours and then buying the cake…"

"Instead of spending money for ingredients…"

"…_and_ wasting time making it."

"It's not efficient at all!" they finished together, dramatically.

"Rich bastards," she muttered when they were done, continuing to scan the recipe she was using as a shopping list while the three of them walked down the aisles of the super market together.

"HARUHI!" Tamaki shouted from down the aisle at her, obviously having finished his twenty-five cent ride on the plastic painted pony outside moments before as revealed by the exhilarated, practically thrilled expression he was wearing on his face as he sparkled and jogged towards them. "Haruhi! It was so fun! It made little whinnying noises while I rode it!"

She sighed, and sounded tired. "Hai, hai. I'm going to go buy the things to make your cake now," she said, and toddled off with her shopping basket in hand.

Tamaki pouted after her. "Why is she mad at me?"

Hikaru and Kaoru shrugged innocently. "All you did was ask her to make cake," they said, and looked just as confused as Tamaki did.

The blond wibbled.

The twins took a breath. "Three…"

"…two…"

"…one…"

"HARUHI!" Tamaki screeched, and took off towards the register after her, intent on apologizing fervently for whatever offense he'd triggered.

But by some freak act of fate, the blond host tripped on the banana peel some careless, inconsiderate individual(s) had left on the ground right in front of the checkout stand instead, and ended up tumbling like a bowling ball, right through the automatic sliding doors.

Ssomehow—miraculously-- he managed to miss the giant toilet paper display tower ("Buy one get one free!" the sign said) at the front of the store.

"Ahh, that's too bad," Hikaru and Kaoru said, when they saw it.

They beamed at each other. "Next game!"

**END**


	5. Back to Nature

**5.   
**

**Title:** Back to Nature  
**Rating:** G  
**Pairing/Character/s: **Mori, Haruhi  
**Word Count:** 827  
**Warning/s: **No spoilers I can imagine. Probably some OOC.  
**Summary:** The Host Club goes back to nature.  
**Dedication:** for esotaria. I think I totally ignored the theme. rolls  
**A/N: **The request was: "_Mori, Haruhi- Puppy_." This is kind of dumb and I'm not quite sure why it came out as it did, but um. Bear with me? I'll figure this Ouran stuff out one day. Maybe. >>

* * *

It wasn't camping. 

At least, not in the traditional sense of the word. Camping would have involved tents and sleeping bags and roasting marshmallows on sticks over an open fire. Ghost stories. Flashlights. People playing Frisbee with their dog or fishing by the river. Brushing your teeth at a dinky little sink the park provided a good long walk away from the actual campsite.

No, this definitely wasn't camping.

Four large, RV campers the size of her apartment building each, feather mattresses, luxury bathrooms (with their own portable water tanks!), and five-star chefs, maids, and personal attendants made this the farthest thing from camping Haruhi had ever experienced at a campsite, ever.

The twins had sighed at the description she'd given them when she'd talked about camping as a kid. "Why would anyone want to do that? It's like living like animals, isn't it?"

Tamaki, upon hearing of Haruhi's childhood memory had wanted to go of course, as soon as possible. "The way commoners get back to nature!" he'd declared, and that had been that. Kyouya made the arrangements.

And so here they were. Decidedly _not_ camping.

Not doing _anything like_ camping.

What Honey-senpai was eating _wasn't_ a smore—it was, most assuredly, a professional patisseir's special interpretation of how a dessert involving chocolate, marshmallow, and graham crackers would look if it was to be served to the Queen of England herself.

And the twins weren't telling ghost stories, but were letting them be told for them, to the host club clients who had come along on the trip. The vehicle through which this miracle was performed was via the image on the 100' widescreen projector of a man in a white mask with a chainsaw slashing innocent girls in the dark. The host club guests sitting next to them on the couch both screamed when the chainsaw toting man laughed. Kaoru screamed too, and that began the whole process of Hikaru 'comforting' him in a brotherly way.

In the same vein, the fire that Tamaki was trying to start on his own was definitely not a fire, though at least he was trying to do it the old fashioned way (rubbing two sticks together as Neanderthals did) even as one of the butlers and one of the maids piddled around him and begged Suou-sama to please let them do the work.

"How can I show these beautiful ladies the burning passion of my love if I can't light the flame myself?" he declared, dramatically, and continued to try, try again.

The women swooned.

Haruhi sighed and waited for whatever camping thing that was going to be turned into a non-camping thing to go ahead and happen next.

"Having fun?" Kyouya asked, and jotted down little notes in his clipboard.

"This isn't camping," she said, and shrugged at him. "But I guess it's okay."

"I underestimated the willingness of the ladies' to sleep in small beds out in the middle of nowhere so long as they got to slumber less than 30 feet away from our camper," Kyouya continued, like he wasn't particularly concerned about her answer and was simply asking out of courtesy.

She twitched, and then decided it would probably be good for her sanity to amble off and find Mori-senpai, who had disappeared sometime ago. Who knew what kind of trouble _he_ might have discovered

She found him not far off, wrestling in a clearing with a wolf.

"Mori-senpai!" she shouted, and was frozen in place as she watched some sort of sinister tug-of-war go on between the kendoist, what looked to be a frisbee, and the snarling wild animal.

"Frisbee," Mori said, and waved when Haruhi arrived. He gestured to the wolf. "Puppy."

Which, she supposed, was a very normal thing people did with their pets when they came out to camp.

He tossed the Frisbee.

The wolf lunged at his throat.

A few moves later, the animal limped off in the direction the Frisbee had been thrown, whimpering. Mori watched it go silently, and it was only from the slight twinkle in his eye that Haruhi knew he'd had lots of fun.

"Mori-senpai," she started, and slapped a hand to her forehead, "that wasn't a puppy." He almost-smiled at her, and when the wolf returned, it definitely had a Frisbee in its mouth.

Haruhi decided at that very moment that from now on, she'd best learn to separate the things that normal people did and the things that the host club did.

So.

She supposed that in that vein, this would _never_ be camping, exactly.

What it was then, was Host Club Camping.

Exactly.

Knowing that gave her some peace, and she didn't bat an eye for the rest of the trip, even when Mori brought back a sad-looking bear the next afternoon and grunted, "Kuma-chan," to which Tamaki had preened, being thrilled at getting to commune with nature so up close and personally-- just like the rest of the commoners did.

**END **


	6. Caught Between

**6.**

**Title:** Caught Between  
**Rating:** PG-13 for taboos  
**Pairing/Character/s: **Twins , Haruhi (vaguely Twins+Haruhi?)  
**Word Count:** 553  
**Warning/s: **OOC and silliness, but you know. I still don't know what I'm doing.  
**Summary:** Haruhi always watches out for the twins.  
**Dedication:** For Christine and JaB, because when they just as well said they'd like to be in the middle of a twin sandwich, it later gave me the idea for this story. Also for whymetoday, who requested it.  
**A/N: **The request was: _"Twins- Band-aid." _I realize belatedly that once again, the drabble really has nothing to do with the request.

* * *

Quite by accident, Kaoru gave himself a paper cut during the origami folding session he and Hikaru had been holding with their designated guests for the afternoon (he trying to build a paper heart for his brother, of course), and in a fit of "concerned anger," Hikaru promptly grabbed his brother by the wrist and looked deep into his eyes before declaring, "Idiot…don't hurt yourself doing things for my sake."

The girls were in fits.

Haruhi supposed it would be those two and no one else who would turn a minor, accidental injury like that into a spectacle of gay brotherly love. And this one had to be an accident after all-- the two of them really didn't like involving blood in their little escapades.

She sighed went to get Kaoru a band aid.

When she returned Kaoru's finger was very firmly placed in Hikaru's mouth, and the noises he was making as his brother sucked on the digit were really rather scandalous.

The two girls were practically rolling on the floor.

"That's dirty," Haruhi warned them, and held up the bandage she'd fetched, along with the disinfectant.

"But beautiful! The ultimate taboo!" the girls protested.

"No, that's really dirty," Haruhi reiterated, and promptly pulled Kaoru's finger out of Hikaru's mouth with an audible pop. "There are germs in your mouth you know," she said gently, and moved about properly cleaning and bandaging her classmate's injury.

The twins looked at each other.

"Haruhi…" Kaoru murmured, and suddenly looked up at her with big, watery eyes.

She blinked, and her instincts immediately told her to run. "What…"

"You always take care of us," Hikaru butt in, sidling up to the brown-haired host from the opposite side, voice right beside her ear.

She blinked again. "What do you…"

"Oh, Hikaru!" Kaoru sighed, and bit his bottom lip tragically. "I'm sorry!"

Haruhi blinked. "For wh…"

Hikaru reached around her then, and his arm brushed her side as he touched his brother's chin with delicate fingertips. "Shhhh, it's okay, Kaoru," he soothed, and was pressed right up against Haruhi now. "I understand."

Kaoru wibbled. "Do you? I had…" he blushed and looked away, "I had… thoughts about someone else just now."

Haruhi stared. "Eh?"

"I understand," Hikaru reiterated, and rested his cheek against Haruhi's. "It's okay though. If it's the three of us… it's…"

The girls both screamed: "The ultimate, _ultimate _taboo—incestuous ménage à trios!" and promptly passed out in raptures.

Haruhi sighed as realization dawned. "I'm going…over there now," she declared, and slid out from between her smirking twin captors.

The next day, and the next after that, and the next after that even, when Haruhi was designated, she was always asked by her guest to spend time with the twins and their guests.

Tamaki sat in a corner and wept at cruel, unjust fate.

Afterwards, Hikaru and Kaoru always patted him on the back like the good sports they were and assured him that these were just the way things went sometimes. The guests were unpredictable in what they fancied from day to day, really.

Haruhi, in the meantime, began to wonder how—blood or no blood-- someone who so deftly used his hands for such purposeful evil in the past was capable of something as absentminded and clumsy as an accidental paper cut.

**END**


	7. Country Manners

**7.**

**Title:** Country Manners  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairing/Character/s: **Kyouya, Tamaki, Honey (lightly KyouyaxTamaki)  
**Word Count:** 463  
**Warning/s: **OOC and stupidity—I really still don't know how to write this series. O.o  
**Summary:** Tamaki and all the cute little deer.  
**Dedication:** Joanne and Christine—I still know how to corrupt! I think. O.o  
**A/N: **Ehehehe, I'm just writing whatever comes to mind until I can think of something to write for that thrice-damned One Piece fic I still owe. As you can see, the results are less than stellar. XD

* * *

Kyouya really thought that Tamaki ought to learn how to be more discreet, if only because he couldn't expect the breeding of commoners—on average at least-- to be up to par with those of girls who had been sent to finishing schools and/or spent most of their lives under the care of stern-faced governesses. They probably though Tamaki was some sort of J-pop idol or something, and were treating him accordingly.

He watched for a while, as Tamaki flailed under the onslaught of regular-type high school girls he'd stopped to charm during a sojourn through Nara after Haruhi had expressed (absently) interest in seeing the deer there.

"He's so pretty!" the girls marveled, and stroked Tamaki's skin.

"Aah!" Tamaki yelped, and turned bright red.

"He told me I was beautiful!" another added, and didn't look like she was ever going to let go of the poor King's leg.

"He's so gentle with animals!" a last observed, and didn't notice that the fangirl crowd had effectively scared away all the little deer in a ten-mile radius.

"Kyouya!" Tamaki whimpered, and looked out from the throng beseechingly at his second-in-command.

"Mmm, I suppose it's finally come to this, hasn't it?" Kyouya responded, and jotted a note down in his portfolio. Then he adjusted his glasses and turned around and strolled off.

"Kyouya!" Tamaki gurgled, helplessly.

"Honey-senpai, if you please," the dark-haired boy said, and the little third year nodded and bounded off happily.

"Ne, ne, oneesama…" he began, and tugged cutely on one girl's skirt.

She and several of her brethren turned around and looked at him, and just as she did, he put a finger in his mouth and two twin teardrops streaked his eyes. "Where did all the cute little deer go?" he asked, and sounded precisely two years old as he held out his other hand, showing them a pathetic fistful of deer food he had and wasn't ever going to get to feed the deer while this went on.

"KAWAII!" they screamed, and attracted the attention of all their Tamaki-grabbing classmates in the process.

The adoring throng of course, immediately dispersed at the sight of Honey-senpai's tears and went off in search of the poor frightened animals as if possessed, ready and willing to club the bob-tailed creatures over the head and drag back their lolling bodies to show their cute new otouto if need be.

Kyouya, once the coast was clear, calmly strode up to a shaken Tamaki, and leaned down to examine his lord.

"Okaasan," Tamaki whimpered, and clung to Kyouya's leg. "Okaasan I thought I was going to die."

"I think it's about time," Kyouya sighed.

"For…what?" Tamaki asked meekly, and wouldn't let go of Kyouya's leg.

Kyouya patted his head reassuringly. "You need a rape whistle."

**END**


	8. Matchmaker

**8.**

**Title:** Matchmaker  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairing/Character/s: **Ranka, Kyouya, Twins, Mori, Honey, Tamaki, Haruhi  
**Word Count:** 823  
**Warning/s: **Spoilers for um…Haruhi's dad I guess.   
**Summary:** Ranka-san tries to find the best match possible for his cute little daughter.  
**Dedication:** JaB- who agrees with me on the fact that Haruhi and Tamaki just wouldn't work. XD   
**A/N: ** OMG I HAVE A PAPER TO WRITE WHAT AM I DOING!

* * *

Ranka-san was fairly certain that it would be very nice indeed if Kyouya-kun married Haruhi, and beamed and told him just that on many an occasion. 

"Oh, I couldn't," the bespectacled boy declined politely, smiling at Haruhi's father in a warmly familiar way. "As her 'mother' of sorts I just don't think I could condone anything even remotely akin to incest…"

"Hey," the twins protested.

"…unless it was purely for monetary gain," he finished, coolly.

"Oh," the twins said, and supposed they were okay with that.

"Maa, but Kyouya-kun, you and Haruhi are a good match! You're both so sensible," Ranka-san continued, and poured Kyouya more tea.

"Sometimes great sensibility doesn't beget great romance, Ranka-san," Kyouya said with a suave smile, and Haruhi's father supposed he had to agree.

"You're so smart, Kyouya-kun," he giggled, and patted the dark-haired boy's hand. "Maybe I should steal you away and make you Haruhi's _real_ new mommy, hmm?"

Kyouya's smile never faltered. "It's like we're family already, Ranka-san."

"How about you, Mori-kun?" Ranka segued smoothly, and turned his eyes to the tall, silent senior.

Mori blinked.

"You seem very agreeable, ne? Ne? Would you like to make my Haru-chan a bride?"

Mori's cheeks turned the very slightest shade of pink under the intense scrutiny, though he didn't say anything.

"Ne, Takashi," Honey started innocuously enough, and held out his empty glass. "I like milk!"

Takashi rose wordlessly and took Honey's cup in his hand, bowing to excuse himself before he headed (perhaps more briskly than usual) to the kitchen in order to refill the shorter boy's cup.

A moment of silence.

And then Ranka-san clapped his hands together and moved right along. "Ne, Honey-kun…"

"I like cake!" Honey-senpai announced next, and made a soft squeeing noise of happiness to himself before he stuck a great big forkful of said cake into his mouth. It was very clear that he wouldn't be able to speak again until Mori returned with his milk and he could wash it all down.

The twins leaned against each other then, and beat Ranka-san to the punch. "We'll marry her," they both declared, and turned so their foreheads touched when they looked out of the corners of their eyes at their would-be father-in-law.

Ranka laughed. "Both of you, together?"

"We can buy a bed big enough for three," they assured the okama simultaneously, like that was the only major problem to a tripartite wedding they could foresee.

"Ahaha…Haruhi might not be comfortable with that," her father started, carefully. "She's a horrible kicker in her sleep, you know, and giving her _two_ unfortunate targets might not be a good idea."

"Oh?" the twins asked, and shrugged. "We guess that's fine. We'll sleep as close as we can, so it'll be harder for her to kick," they added, helpfully.

Tamaki finally blew a gasket.

"You rotten little… neither of you is touching my precious daughter! Especially not at the same time!" the blond shouted, very decisively disturbing the peaceful atmosphere that had settled since Ranka's last comment to Tamaki had effectively curled him up into a fetal position on the floor nearby.

"Oh, Tono, you've recovered," the twins observed wryly, and smiled winningly at their lord. They turned back to Ranka. "Ne, Ranka-san," they began, "if not us, then who?"

Tamaki was composed again suddenly, and looking at him, his tail was practically wagging as he stared beseechingly at Haruhi's father with big, eager eyes. It didn't matter that he was obviously last choice— as long as he was in the running the world was a perfect, happy place for him.

Ranka blinked at the blond. "Hmm," he said, and actually appeared marginally thoughtful on the subject for a moment.

After a minute, he actually smiled in Tamaki's general direction.

Tamaki smiled back, and looked so full of joy that his heart might burst.

"Alright then, Hikaru-kun, Kaoru-kun, you have my blessing!" Ranka announced, and averted his eyes from Tamaki to wave in a friendly manner at the devil twins. "Variety is the spice of life, after all!" he added, and laughed suggestively behind his well-manicured hand.

"From today we'll call you otousan," the twins replied easily, and flashed dual thumbs-ups at their future in-law.

Tamaki shattered into a million pieces on the floor.

"We'll sweep him up!" Hikaru and Kaoru volunteered helpfully, as a first act of goodwill towards their soon-to-be father.

Ranka-san twittered. "Such good boys."

When Haruhi returned from her errand at the bank and found a dustpan full of Tamaki waiting in the corner for her, she simply sighed and supposed it was better than the mushrooms if only for the fact that he seemed to have already been cleaned up for her.

"Haruhi, you can kick me as much as you want!" he shouted, when he saw her.

"Good to know," she responded blandly, and walked right past him and into the kitchen so she could start making dinner.

**END**


	9. Testing Limits

**9.**

**Title:** Testing Limits  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairing/Character/s: **HikaruxKaoru  
**Word Count:** 330  
**Warning/s: **Vaguely incestuous. But no real spoilers I can imagine.  
**Summary:** First kisses.  
**Dedication:** Reki's request on my lj.   
**A/N: **The theme requested was: "_Experimentation."_

_

* * *

_

It wasn't really very surprising that Hikaru and Kaoru ended up stealing each other's first kisses, given that most young people do it first by practicing perhaps, with a mirror, and between the two of them, the twins really did have the ultimate mirrors.

A live-experiment, so to speak, and afterwards, when they were blinking at each other and licking their lips and running through mental calculations as to how, exactly, they felt after that little test, they ultimately decided that the real appeal was in the mystique.

"Stop right here, ne?" Kaoru instructed, and poised his lips a hairsbreadth apart from his older brother's.

They looked at each other then, and laughed simultaneously. "It definitely looks better!"

Kaoru stretched and half-yawned lazily. "Maybe we can try again after we've gotten better at it."

Hikaru rolled his eyes. "Or after you've brushed your teeth, Kaoru."

Kaoru, not offended in the least at the remark, simply smirked licked his lips again. "We ate the exact same thing for dinner, so I'd assume you at least know that you tasted the same," he reminded his brother, before flopping onto his back on their shared bed and staring up at the ceiling. "Mmm, I'm bored," he declared after a moment.

Hikaru arched a brow and looked down at his brother. "Maybe we can try it again tomorrow," he suggested, thoughtfully.

Kaoru blinked. "Why would we do that?"

Hikaru shrugged. "At breakfast. Do you think okaasan would freak out?" He grinned a little at the prospect.

Kaoru laughed lightly into his hand when he thought about it. "Do you think she'd even notice?" he asked more seriously, once he'd sobered some.

Two sets of eyes glittered as they looked at each other a heartbeat later, and in it there was a mixture of mischief and something else altogether unidentifiable to either of them beyond a certain sense of longing. "An experiment," they declared in tandem after a moment, and rose to brush their teeth.

**END**


	10. Weakness

**10.**

**Title:** Weakness  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairing/Character/s: **lightly KyouyaxTamaki (though could be seen as practically gen)  
**Word Count:** 488  
**Warning/s: **OOC and stupidity.  
**Summary:** Kyouya hopes it's still too early to tell.   
**Dedication:** protectra's request on my lj.  
**A/N: **The theme requested was: _"Irresistible."_I only kind of touched on it. Maybe. It's in there abstractly, I swear.

* * *

Weaknesses were a fundamental feature all human beings have that Kyouya couldn't allow for in himself.

Not only did they garner him no merits, they actually might have served to create something as distasteful as a negative merit, and in a race where everything was on the line, he knew he had to take every advantage he got (or rather, could make for himself) along the way.

When he joined the host club at Tamaki's behest he was initially interested in utilizing the Suou family's resources to his personal benefit as Tamaki would have many connections Kyouya could use to build and expand his own. Being friends with the heirs of four other fabulously wealthy and powerful families could only be seen as an advantage, after all.

And how quickly the host club grew to be a recognizable force on campus had been an additional pleasant surprise to top it all off, one which gave him countless opportunities to access the bank accounts and the acquaintances of many lovely young ladies who in the future, could also serve as valuable allies.

There were—initially-- no foreseeable weaknesses to his joining the host club and as such, Kyouya saw no real reason to refuse.

He forgot however, that sometimes, sometimes the variables in the game changed.

And he was beginning to suspect that he was developing something alarmingly _akin_ to a weakness.

But it was still too early to tell.

At the moment, Tamaki was looking at the dark-haired boy with those sad, sad puppy dog eyes of his, and Kyouya had to keep telling himself that it was still too early to tell.

Too early.

"Okaaaaasaaaan…"

Tamaki wibbled.

Kyouya sighed and it was almost—_almost_-- helpless sounding. "I'll put in the order," he conceded after another moment of looking at Tamaki's sad, sad puppy dog face. For the first time in his life, he felt his brow twitch a little bit as he spoke. "But please have a plausible reassurance ready for the guests when they ask us if we've suddenly become an Okama club, Otousan."

Tamaki sparkled, and the tears were immediately gone from the corners of his eyes, where they'd been poised to fall from just a second before. "Yay! Haruhi…bunny girl at last!" he celebrated, and hugged Kyouya around the waist by way of thanks before bounding off to complete his brilliant "Make Her Wear What the Rest of us are Wearing too- Haruhi in a Bunny Girl Costume Ultimate Strategy from a Doting Father's Heart Full of Burning Love!" plans.

Watching the blond go, Kyouya adjusted his glasses and made a note in his portfolio that read: "it's still too early to tell."

The fact that sometimes the variables in the game changed without you knowing comforted him some.

And so, as he went to put in the orders for seven bunny girl outfits he'd promised Tamaki, he told himself that it wasn't a weakness—_yet._

**END**


	11. Diametrically Opposed

**11.**

**Title:** Diametrically Opposed  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairing/Character/s: **vaguely KyouyaxTamaki, Renge, mentions of the other Host Club members  
**Word Count:** 824  
**Warning/s: **Silliness and OOC. Probably very random too.  
**Summary:** Renge and the nature of opposing forces.  
**Dedication:** electify's request on my lj.  
**A/N: **The theme requested was: _"Resistance."_Does this even make sense? O.o

* * *

"Pairs! In Pairs!" Renge demanded through her megaphone as she shot a particularly withering glance at Tamaki, who was crying and clawing and generally wailing about the injustice of the universe. It was having a decidedly negative effect on the atmosphere she'd carefully crafted for today's assignment. 

"Why can't I pair with Haruhi?" he whined, and watched as she—with a twin on each arm—looked uninterestedly on, more concerned about getting this over with so she could get out of the strange, frilly European clothes she'd been made to put on than she cared about her father's obvious pain.

"Clearly because a certain aesthetic of balance needs to be maintained in these photos," the self-proclaimed manager declared in response to what she thought was a particularly idiotic question, and the look she threw Tamaki to convey her impatience moved from withering to outright disdainful.

"Plus, there's an odd number," the twins—dressed as rather suave pirates-- added in tandem as they leaned companionably against Haruhi.

"Then why can't Haruhi be with us?" Tamaki bemoaned, and sobbed against Kyouya's shoulder. "Okaasan…"

"Yes, Otousan?"

"They're taking our precious daughter away from us! Why aren't you fighting beside me? A family portrait, this should be a family portrait!" He stomped his foot.

Kyouya very gently pushed Tamaki back a little bit, just enough to slip a handkerchief between the blond's watery eyes and the very nice velvet waistcoat he was wearing. "They all grow up someday," he offered by way of consolation (in a practical manner).

"But why do they have to grow up and go away with unscrupulous _twins_?"

Renge thwapped Tamaki on the head with the end of her megaphone. "Can't you see it? The aesthetic balance?" she asked, and put a hand on her hip. "They just won't do by themselves! Too much of the same thing."

"Hey," the twins protested, though more for show than out of any actual fervent feelings on the issue. As long as Tono was crying and Haruhi was with them life was pretty good, after all.

"Haruhi-kun is in there for balance! Their wicked eyes with his cute naiveté! The young noble lord and the rapscallion pirates who shanghai him onto their boat for many lascivious misadventures! The theme of this photo shoot is opposites—coming together despite fundamentally different natures and creating an image of beauty almost inadvertently! The legendary elements of creation are fire and water, after all! Diametrically opposed but at the same time… essential for life as we know it! It's poetic! And brilliant," Renge explained hotly, and her aura was positively burning.

Mori and Honey roasted marshmallows.

"Butbutbutbut… Kyouya can be wicked!" Tamaki looked up at his vice-president with big eyes, tugging pathetically on his sleeve. "Ne, Kyouya…be wicked!"

Kyouya adjusted his glasses. "As you wish."

And then promptly proceeded to ignore Tamaki completely.

"NOT TO ME!"

Renge decided that Kyouya had a particularly good idea and proceeded to ignore him too. "Now let's see," she began, and looked at Honey and Mori first. "Cute, innocent sweet and small… contrasted to wild, dark, stoic…big… PERFECT, it's so PERFECT!"

Mori gave his marshmallows to Honey, and Honey kept on eating.

The trio next—"Haruhi-kun is the innocent young boy surrounded by wily twins who want to devour him! Ohohoho delicious!"

Tamaki sobbed.

And then…

She sighed when she looked at the remaining two in their Victorian-era clothing—the cool, suave aristocrat and the wide-eyed servant boy. Except said aristocrat was punching in data dispassionately into a PDA while the wide-eyed servant boy was sitting in a corner with his knees up against his chest, drawing pathetic circles on the ground with his index finger.

"Not good enough!" she roared, and pulled Tamaki up to his feet by his arm, supposing that if anything, she could use those crocodile tears for something. Kyouya hadn't requested her expert aid for this photo shoot for nothing, after all.

"Kyouya-sama," she began, and pushed Tamaki at him.

Kyouya deftly caught the sulking blond. "Yes?"

"Please do something that would justify the tears, ne?" She sparkled.

Kyouya sparkled back, and Tamaki felt his blood run cold. "Of course." He turned then, and his glasses gleamed menacingly at the quivering blond in his arms. Gently, he cupped Tamaki's chin between his thumb and index finger and as he leaned closer, thought of all the money they were going to make from this.

"Noooooo, Kyoooouyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Not in front of the kids!"

Even the twins had to applaud their senpai's versatility at that point—they could be wicked when they wanted to of course, but Kyouya could be downright immoral if large sums of investment capital were at stake.

"Perfect! It's so perfect!" Renge declared, and true to her word, the compilation photo album that resulted from that day's shoot far outsold all others in the Host Club's illustrious history.

Kyouya noted afterwards, that sales were especially good on the internet.

**END**


	12. Unleashing the Beast

**12.**

**Title:** Unleashing the Beast  
**Rating:** PG-15  
**Pairing/Character/s: **Mori, Honey, Tamaki, Kyouya, Twins, Haruhi (with a splash of MorixKyouya)  
**Word Count:** 962  
**Warning/s: **OOC and crack. I don't know what possessed me.  
**Summary:** Mori has a little extra energy.  
**Dedication:** Christine- she totally dared me.  
**A/N: **I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO SLEEP. But then Christine dared me to write something with MorixKyouya. AND YOU KNOW HOW I GET. So I did it. Because Mori and Kyouya would be strange BUT GORGEOUS. The end.

* * *

When Honey announced that he would be gone for a week to America for Special Ops training in the Nevada desert come next Monday, the entire atmosphere of the third music room was instantly killed dead.

Haruhi blinked, and noticed that all eyes had suddenly gone straight to Mori-senpai. The tall senior simply continued to ply Honey with cakes and tea and didn't seem to notice the looks of the others as he did.

She turned to Kyouya and cleared her throat then, careful to keep her voice low. "Kyouya-senpai," she began, and looked sideways at Mori one more time, "is something wrong with Mori-senpai?"

The dark-haired boy's glasses gleamed in an excessive way, and she wondered if he was trying to block out some bad memory of some sort. "Nothing's wrong," he told her with measured calm. "Per se."

"Mori-senpai…"

"…gets super agitated…"

"…when Honey-senpai isn't around," the twins explained under their breaths, appearing on either side of Haruhi suddenly, the pair nodding with infinite wisdom at her ignorance.

She cocked her head a bit and tried to imagine Mori-senpai agitated. It just seemed like normal him with a little bit more tension than necessary. Certainly no more of a handful to deal with than say, Hikaru and Kaoru on a good day. "Mori-senpai agitated? Is that really a big deal?"

Everyone stared at her for a moment.

The twins sighed. "Remember in biology class?" they asked simultaneously.

In an already weird conversation, she really didn't get what that had to do with anything. Which said a lot for how random she found it.

"My innocent, innocent little girl!" Tamaki cried suddenly, materializing behind her and pulling her back against his chest with a little sob. She couldn't tell if the tears in his eyes were for her or for himself. "The horrors you don't yet know!"

Kyouya pushed his glasses up on his nose and sighed, supposing that Haruhi did warrant fair warning considering she was obligated to be here next Monday. "I'm sure you learned in biology that certain species of animals are more prone to becoming increasingly aggressive when they're restless?" he posed coolly, though there was a certain clipped manner to his tone that told her he wasn't as unaffected as he'd like everyone to believe.

"Mori-senpai's…"

"…animal instincts…"

"… are really strong," the twins finished, and their sideways looks at the object of their discussion made her instinctively look over at him again as well.

He looked the same.

She blinked. "Are you guys sure…"

"You'll see," they all responded in synch, before breaking from the huddle, presumably to bide their time and mentally prepare for whatever it was that lay ahead.

Come Monday, everyone had their war faces on. Except for Haruhi, who didn't understand why everyone was wearing Kevlar and riot gear.

She supposed it might be today's costume theme or something, but the tension in the room as they waited for Mori-senpai to arrive from kendo practice was a little bit too much, even for her.

She understood it though, when he arrived. It all came together in those short, almost surreal moments.

He walked into the room and there was something different in his eyes maybe, though she couldn't quite put a finger on what it was exactly.

It was a glint that was almost…predatory.

The "almost" got knocked right out of that assessment the minute he stopped moving though, coming to a halt right in front of Kyouya-senpai as he looked into the shorter boy's eyes with an unmistakable intensity.

"Mori-senpai?" Kyouya inquired, and was holding his portfolio a little more tightly than normal.

"Kyouya," Mori murmured, and his voice was almost… sultry?

Haruhi sweatdropped.

The others slowly slid out of Mori's line of sight. He'd picked his victim.

"Forgive me, Okaasan!" Tamaki whispered, teary-eyed as he pulled Haruhi with him to relative safety.

Kyouya flashed a quick glare at the blond, but decided that taking his eyes off of Mori-senpai right now might not be a good idea. "Was there something you wanted?" he breathed cautiously, and might have been sweating if anyone had been looking at him closely.

Mori smiled at that—just a minute, almost imperceptible upturn of his lips.

Kyouya swallowed.

The senior leaned forward then, and stopped just a breath away from touching his lips to Kyouya's. His eyes were smoldering as he looked at the second year from one of those convincing low angles. "Cake," he said, and that was all.

The younger boy's grip on his portfolio was absolutely white-knuckled now. "Of course, Mori-senpai."

Mori's smile broadened just a bit and he leaned back and looked at Kyouya for a minute or two longer, like he was assessing what he was going to do to the poor second-year _after _he'd gotten his cake. Haruhi might have called it smugness if she could believe such a thing coming from Mori-senpai. Kyouya on the other hand, almost—_almost_—looked frozen on the spot.

And then, without another word, the third year stuck his hands into his pockets and very casually brushed past the vice-president, strolling over to Honey's favorite table and taking a seat while he waited for his cake.

Haruhi continued to stare, because she really couldn't tear her eyes away. Mori-senpai was _slinking_. _Swaggering_ almost. Completely, utterly…predatory. She blinked and thought of the rather deadpan calm she was used to seeing from the large third year. "Does taking care of Honey-senpai really require _that much_ energy?" she hissed disbelievingly under her breath.

Tamaki and the twins could only nod dumbly in confirmation as they looked on alongside her. "Lots of energy," they said, all at once.

Amazing.

That day, Haruhi truly believed that she'd witnessed the arrival of the host club's _shadow_ Shadow King.

**END**


	13. Tea for Two

**13.**

**Title:** Tea for Two  
**Rating:** PG  
**Pairing/Character/s: **Everyone (though it was supposed to focus on Kyouya- I fail)  
**Word Count:** 783  
**Warning/s: **No spoilers I can imagine. Just the usual OOCness and stupidity. XD  
**Summary:** The discovery of commoner tea.  
**Dedication:** kshi- I was surprised when you requested Ouran and not Air Gear from me, but it's all good, I still need to practice figuring out these characters anyway. XD  
**A/N: **The prompt was "_teahouse_." I FAIL because this isn't Kyouya-centric like Shiro asked for. I'M SORRY.

* * *

The twins burst out laughing. "There isn't actually any tea here!" they declared in tandem, and gazed at the menu in equal parts horror and amusement. "It says tea house, tea house!"

"Silence!" Tamaki declared, and cut them off with one dramatic sweeping motion of his hand through the air. "Commoner tea might be like commoner coffee—some sort of modern day miracle made for those who have to _work_."

Hikaru and Kaoru tilted their heads to the side and considered that. "Mmm… really?"

"Of course!" Tamaki reassured them, like it should be plainly obvious that all commoner things were commoner things for a special commoner purpose. "Now…" the blond stated with a measured kind of authority as he pointed to the drink sitting on the table in front of him, "we just need to discern what animal has defecated in our commoner drinks while we weren't watching." He leaned forward to better examine the nondescript little black balls that were floating around in his spoiled beverage. "I suspect cockroaches."

"Rats!" the twins countered gleefully at the top of their lungs, much to the dismay of the poor workers on the other side of the drink shop's counter. Several people looked at their own cups warily and slid out of the shop with a disapproving murmur.

Kyouya sighed. "That's the boba part of the tea, Tamaki."

Tamaki looked scandalized and clamped his hands over Haruhi's ears, in case she knew Chinese as well. "Kyouya, don't say such dirty things in front of the kids."

Haruhi sighed. "I guess it's good that I can't hear anymore," she stated dryly, more to herself than anyone else. She sipped at her peach tea boba with a disturbing sort of calm while chaos blossomed all around her.

Kyouya adjusted his glasses. "It's tapioca, Tamaki."

"Tapioca?"

"Waah, fish eyes!" The twins shouted and hugged each other in faux horror. Several more people left the store.

Haruhi was very, very glad she couldn't hear.

Kyouya adjusted his glasses. "It's pure starch…" he explained patiently, while the twins ran around the store screaming about plagues and pestilence and Honey ordered one of every cake there for Mori to carry home for him. "It shouldn't do anyone any harm unless they're diabetic. Which I know none of you are, by the way."

"It looks like poo!" the twins reiterated unhelpfully on their second round through the shop. They almost sounded like they were cheering.

Tamaki stared at him, hands still pressed protectively over Haruhi's ears incase Kyouya decided to use foul language again. "You try it first then, ne?" he told the vice-president, and sounded precisely four years old as he warily eyed his beverage over on the table.

Kyouya wasn't really interested in drinking anything from this particular shop, but supposed that he should take every opportunity afforded to him to entertain himself just a little bit more. Especially when they so readily presented themselves.

So he calmly reached out, extracted Haruhi's drink from her hand, and sipped right from the very same straw that had been in her mouth moments before.

She blinked up at him. "You know, you can get your own, Kyouya-senpai," she said, though it was a halfhearted protest at best.

Tamaki was frozen in horror. "K-k-kaasan…"

"Indirect kiss, indirect kiss!" the twins shouted next, if only to see whether Tamaki would turn to stone or little bits of dust or evaporate into thin air this time. There was always a variety of fun like that when it came to Tono's reactions after all.

Kyouya only smiled winningly at Haruhi for her light chastisement and handed her drink back—the look on his face made her blood feel a little bit cold in her veins.

"Kaasan!" Tamaki wailed again, and tried to grab Haruhi's drink from her next. "Haruhi… let me have a drink too."

She sidestepped him, professionally. "You already have your own, senpai," she told the blond matter-of-factly, and gestured to his sad, abandoned cup left all alone on the table.

Tamaki finally did crumble into little bits of dust at the cool indifference in her tone (aw, the twins had been hoping for stone this time!), and that done, Haruhi walked right past him and out of the store without sparing so much as a sideways look in his devastated direction. "I still have to go to the market."

And as they stared at the sparkling flakes of Tamaki floating in the air, everyone had to admit that while Kyouya was particularly good at unnerving their king when he wanted to, it was Haruhi who had the most powerful finishing blows of them all.

Kyouya saw great potential in a power like that.

**END**


	14. This Must Be How Commoners Survive

**Title:** This Must Be How Commoners Merely Survive Instead of Expanding Their Empires for Greater Glory  
**Rating:** G  
**Pairing/Character/s:** lightly KyouyaxTamaki  
**Word Count:** 744  
**Warning/s:** Probably OOC to the max.  
**Summary:** When the electricity goes out, you have to learn to deal (like commoners).  
**Dedication:** Ahaha for tokki-chan's holiday request with the prompt of _kotatsu_. EVEN MORE OUT OF PRACTICE WITH THIS THAN BLEACH JUST SAYIN'.  
**A/N:** I don't even remember the details of their backstory stuff except there was kotatsu and Kyouya twitched a lot. Maybe this works as pre-series. Who knows.

* * *

That evening, when Tamaki comes over to slump and drool happily against Kyouya's kotatsu, there happens to be a snowstorm.

"Maybe you should go home," Kyouya suggests absently to the blond as he trades stocks on his laptop, from all the way across the room at his desk.

Tamaki continues to drool and makes another happy noise in the back of his throat that Kyouya correctly interprets as, "Yay, warm!" before nuzzling the tabletop fondly. Kyouya also correctly interprets that as Tamaki's reluctance to leave, despite the snow starting to come down more and more heavily outside.

He supposes he's not busy enough that Tamaki being here will be in his way; he's only taking over a few foreign corporations. Time in New York: 10:30am yesterday.

"Kyouya," Tamaki whines a little while later, chin still poised happily on top of the kotatsu, "Kyouya aren't you cold?"

"We have central heating," Kyouya replies blandly, and proceeds to (re)destroy the American auto industry single-handed.

Outside, the snowstorm rattles on.

At approximately 10:43 New York time (right before Kyouya is about to take an owning share of Chrysler GM), the internet cuts out.

Kyouya glares at the error page displayed on his web browser.

Three minutes and a particularly bad gust of wind later, the power shuts off too.

Tamaki screams.

Kyouya ignores him.

"We're going to freeze to death!!" Tamaki decides for them both, after fifteen powerless, internet-less minutes have passed and all they can hear is the screaming of the wind from outside (and Tamaki's accompanying panicked shrieks every time the window rattles a little).

"Kyouya, Kyouya," Tamaki insists, "I can't feel my legs."

"You've probably been sitting cross-legged on the floor for too long."

"But I can't movethem!"

"Same reason." Kyouya ghosts his fingers over the keyboard and wonders if he should maybe play around with Ford once the connection comes back. It's probably too late for Chrysler now.

"Tell them," Tamaki cries from the ground, hand outstretched towards Kyouya dramatically, "tell them I fought hard to live, Kyouya!"

He slumps hopelessly on the table.

Kyouya ignores him.

They sit in the dark as the storm rages on outside.

Two hours later, Tamaki sneezes.

It is the first time Kyouya may or may not be legitimately concerned for the idiot, because he supposes that yes, yes it has gotten a little bit cold since the power went out. And his investments were blown all to hell.

"Kyouya," Tamaki whimpers pathetically, still huddled under the now cold kotatsu, "are we going to die?"

Kyouya sighs. "If that were the case," he says, clicking on the reload button a few times by rote, "people would have all died out in the days before electricity."

"Poor, barbaric commoners," Tamaki murmurs pityingly, when he thinks about it.

He sneezes again.

Kyouya wordlessly adjusts his glasses and gets up from his chair.

He pulls the comforter off of his bed and drapes it over Tamaki, purely to stem the whining.

"Kyouya!" Tamaki glows gratefully when he does, completely misinterpreting the action as the cloth flutters down over his face. He fumbles around with it until he can see again, and then lifts a corner of the blanket up at Kyouya invitingly.

Kyouya can practically see Tamaki's tail wagging expectantly from under the blanket when he does it like that, looking up at his best friend with big eyes and a comparatively big, stupid smile.

Kyouya sighs and resigns himself to sitting down next to Tamaki; at least until the internet comes back.

Approximately two seconds after he sits down, Tamaki's head is on his shoulder and he is drooling happily all over again, except on Kyouya's _shoulder _now, like he is Tamaki's personal replacement kotatsu.

"Kyouya's warm," Tamaki burbles next to his ear, and Kyouya twitches on instinct. "Do you think this is how the barbaric commoners lived?"

"Or killed each other," Kyouya responds dryly, eyes still glued to the battery powered laptop sitting across the room. More specifically, eyes still glued to the air port wireless receiver bars, which stubbornly continue to be devoid of any and all reception.

Tamaki just makes a few more absent burbling noises and snuggles closer.

Five minutes later, with all bars still blank and Tamaki asleep—still drooling— on his shoulder, Kyouya gives up on his takeover for the day.

He supposes that he'll just have to leave the Americans alone for now.

There's always tomorrow after all, and the Germans.

**END**


End file.
